Getting Over a Breakup
Shock, Anger, Dismay, Denial, Devastation.
If you’ve ever experienced a breakup, you understand what I am talking about. It is no joke. On the pain scale a breakup ranks up there with the death of a loved one, divorce, and loss of a job. Still, a breakup can produce many positive outcomes. I am here to tell you that this pain you are now experiencing, is just “momentary” and “light.” Why? Because your life is going to rock!
I’ll start by telling you a little bit about the most painful breakup I’ve ever been through. For reasons I shall not divulge on this forum, I made the tough decision to give up the love of my life. Well, he moved on to someone else in literally a week. I cried for the next few months and went through the stages of grief as expected. Just as I was recovering and felt I had achieved some normalcy in my life, I found out that he was getting married in 2 weeks. It was so unreal. I felt was as if my life was a movie. This was the one person who had my heart. I thought I’d spend the rest of my life with him. I loved him.
Here I was, lost, alone, starting my life over, single for the first time in my adult life. Was this a good thing? Here are some reasons why today I can answer YES!:
1. Breakups happen for a reason
There’s always a reason why relationships end. If you think back to the months, weeks, days, before the breakup, you’ll realise that you knew it was coming. You may have hoped it wouldn’t happen, but there are always signs. Think of it as a rear-view mirror to help you avoid toxic relationships. Will you be more observant moving forward?
2. Breakups lead to growth and resilience
The pain can be a fire that burns you or a fuel that moves you to action. If you allow yourself to go through the process naturally, breakups allow you to grow and mature. You learn to love and accept yourself without trying to morph into somebody else’s reflection. Think about the lessons learnt. How have you adjusted your expectations ans standards? What will you change in the future, when love comes knocking on your door?
3. A Breakup allows you to improve yourself
The break allows you to work on every area of your life. Rather than getting into a rut, you now have time to work on your appearance, your personality, your finances and your relationships. Take good care of yourself, the way you would care for a friend or sister going through the same ordeal. Pamper yourself, rest and allow yourself to heal. It will only be a short while before you start looking and feeling amazing!
4. Rebounds are deceptive
Avoid jumping into another relationship, even a short fling. You need to do a FULL he-tox. A rebound relationship will seem to bypass the pain of the old relationship….temporarily. The relationship may last a few weeks, months, or even years. But when it ends, you’ll have to contend with double or even triple the pain. Ditch the shortcuts. Allow yourself to feel and process the pain. Believe me it’s worth it.
5. Your Ex will miss you
I have spoken to so many people who’ve experienced breakups especially bad ones. In at least 90% of cases, the ex will contact you. It’s just a matter of time. At this point you’ll probably have moved on, but it’s a great boost to your ego. Note : When they do contact you, ignore them. Unless the person has genuinely changed and has made a commitment, do not get back into that emotional spiderweb.
6. If you’re meant to be together, you will be
I have an aunt who dated the love of her life when they were in college together. When they graduated they ended up in different countries marrying different people. They led different lives, had children, and both got divorced. They reconnected in their 50s, moved to the same country and started dating. They soon married, and have an amazing relationship together. It’s like time stood still for them. Don’t fret. You will end up with the person you’re meant to be with.
7. It’s Okay to be alone
Being alone is not so bad. Solitude is actually an amazing gift when you use it properly! You are now free! Free to travel alone, eat at a restaurant alone, chill by yourself and appreciate your own company. Get to know yourself. Enjoy your own company. It’s exhilarating to discover what an amazing person you are! When you start dating again, it’s because you’ve found someone to complement you, not someone to fill a void.
8. You learn to love You
Breakups teach you self love. True healing will only happen if you learn to love yourself. You must have a self care routine. Do your hair, and nails; work out regularly; don’t abuse alcohol or food. Do something nice for yourself every day, every week, and every month. You MUST do this, because you’re worth it!
To conquer the pain, keep busy in meaningful pursuits. Know that you’ll have some bad days, but the good days will outnumber them. In the end, you’re the one coming out on top. Time heals all wounds, even the worst breakups.